dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
