Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
