you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
