elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
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