oh god the rape fog is back!
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
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