Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
