I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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