girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
