I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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