she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
