two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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