i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
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