i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
