Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
you inspire me to be a worse person
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Randomize
