shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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