party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
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