Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
