I smell stomach acid.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
