Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
