True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I queefed so loud it echoed.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
