We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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