You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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