I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
You can't special order awesome
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
