I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
