her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
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