shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
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