LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
