The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
