just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Can I color on your dick again?
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
