and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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