Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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