Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
