forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
