She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
it's like heaven, but drunker
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
