it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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