I'm going to jail i love you
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Randomize