We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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