is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Randomize
