i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Randomize
