I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
