We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
