cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
You're breaking my sexual little heart
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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