Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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