Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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