i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Sex in the backyard? Check.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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