tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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