im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
