A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
