Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
