Having a random hookup so left but love u
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Randomize
