Where did you get a picture of my penis
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
