I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
