I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
he wants to bone in the snuggie
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
