you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
