im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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