I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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