I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
