2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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