one might say we're banned from that church
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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