I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize