She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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