we have pet lesbian snakes
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize