She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
what day is it and did you see me today?
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
