I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize