You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
