So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Pants are for mortals
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
