I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
