As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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