drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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