You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
