I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
