Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
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