If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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