Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
